From the chapter: Zaids brothers

Zaid talks very slowly and deliberately today. He is clearly trying to keep his emotions under control. He often breathes deeply, pauses, purses his lips.

Zaid is the oldest of three brothers. Haroun is one year younger, and Karim two. In July 2006, Haroun spends a few nights at his uncle's house in the center of Ramadi. He is 19 at the time and studying engineering. It is summer break, and he is trying to enjoy it as best he can, given a war is underway.

Like his two brothers, he has little to do with the resistance. Though like all the youngsters in Ramadi, he helps the resistance fighters when they are looking for a hideout or need information. But Haroun does not play an active part.

On July 14, 2006, Haroun sets off early in the morning, before it gets too hot, from his uncle's house to go back to his family in Al-Sufia. He turns into the narrow street where his family lives just after seven. He is dribbling a ball he found on the way.

In his right hand he is carrying a white bush rose which he picked for his mother at sunrise. He sees a young neighbor, Jarir, coming the other way, and calls out to greet him, salam – peace.

Just as he utters the word salam, a shot rings out. Haroun touches the back of his head in disbelief, sinks to his knees in what seems like slow-motion, and falls forwards with his face in the dust.

His lifeless body lies there in the dirt, the small white rose for his mother in his right hand.

Jarir had darted into the entry of an abandoned house. He stands there for hours without moving. One hour after the shooting, he sees a municipal fire truck come to collect Haroun's body and take it away. Fire trucks are the only vehicles allowed to drive in the city center. Even ambulances get shot at immediately. So fire trucks now also function as ambulances and hearses.

Other people living on the street heard the shot, but nobody dared go out to see, scared of becoming the American sharpshooters' next target.

Jarir only dares to leave his hiding place in the afternoon. He runs to Zaid's house and tells the family that Haroun has been shot. Cries of despair, mourning and anger fill the house. Weeping and wailing, the members of his family cling to each other. It is unfathomable that Haroun is dead. They saw him only yesterday at his uncle's house.

The entire family then goes to the district morgue to see Haroun one last time, to say goodbye and to prepare the funeral. But when they get there, they discover Haroun has already been buried. Without a steady supply of electricity, the morgue cannot use its cold-storage facility; so the many corpses that are brought there daily have to be buried as quickly as possible.

So the family cannot say goodbye or say the prayers that are customary at a burial. Perhaps nobody said them for Haroun. Zaid's parents, his two sisters, Lamya and Maysun, Zaid and Karim walk home, crying and holding each other tight.

Zaid stops talking. I sense that he needs a break. He has put his hands over his eyes to hide his tears. His whole body shakes as he sobs. I get up and leave him alone for a few minutes. When he has regained his composure, I go back to Zaid. He looks exhausted, but he resumes his account.

Although Zaid and his 18-year-old brother Karim feel overwhelmingly sad for weeks as they mourn Haroun, they decide to concentrate on their studies. Karim has just completed his high school diploma and wants to study agriculture.

Zaid and Karim grow closer during this period. Zaid takes Karim along to soccer and tries to make sure they always play on the same team. Sometimes he even misses soccer practice to go swimming with Karim in the Euphrates, because Karim loves swimming so much.

In the fall, their studies resume. Zaid sees to it that the two do their homework together in the afternoons. Whenever Karim stares into the distance with blank eyes, Zaid knows that he is thinking of Haroun. Zaid then often tells Karin a funny story.

Weeks and months pass. In early 2007, heavy fighting erupts in Ramadi again. Zaid's family home is not damaged, but on January 5, in the evening, a missile fired from an American helicopter hits right beside the house and destroys a generator that provided electricity to their house and some others nearby.

The family leaps up in alarm and, keeping their heads down, run away from the fighting as fast as they can. They go to the house of an uncle a few hundred meters away. Arriving completely out of breath, they suddenly realize that they had forgotten to turn off the kerosene heaters. Karim says he will run back.

He opens the door and looks cautiously right and left to see if the coast is clear. As he runs off, Zaid calls after him: "Be careful!"